Sticky Nate

Jill & I have been married now about 6 1/2 years. Our blended family consists of two teenagers (Andrew, 15 & Hannah, 13) and Maddie (9). Our son Nate will be three years old on October 20.

From the onset, we have been very fortunate that each of our children have given us "parental rights." Meaning our kids act, talk, and generally consider us (regardless of DNA) to be their parents. We do not spend any time worrying about step/half/etc. siblings, parents. We work hard to love each child individually, fairly, and appropriately. Parental rights have to be earned over time in a blended family, but I contend that unconditional love given is an incredibly powerful, spiritual force that over time overcomes all.

So Nate is getting bigger now, and his life represents so much that is good to us. Although he has a disability and at times that can present its own challenges, we firmly believe God created Nate perfectly, and we wouldn't change him even if we could. Similarly, a blended family can be a challenge at times, but to us it's our family and we are thankful for it just the way it is!

Having a child with a disability is, frankly, great. Maybe not for everyone, but all the people I know share this sentiment. And the truth of the matter is, I'm not trying to paint some rosy picture over a dark cloud in my heart. I genuinely love being this kids parent. But that's not the point of this post.

Seeing what Nate has done in our family is far more impressive. He was born 3 years ago, 3 years in to our marriage and 3 years in to our clan being fused. The kids were 12, 9, & 6, and generally getting along really well. However, those ages are when selfishness and division can really set in. And then there was Nate...

Just adding a baby to the mix would surely change the dynamic. But this isn't just any baby, it's Nate.

Nate is contagious. He's highly addictive. He's charismatic and clever. He's funny. He's charming. He's needy and clingy (in all the right ways). He's affectionate. He's adorable. He's unforgettable. He's one of a kind, he's just Nate.

So at a time when selfishness could easily take hold of this home, Nate comes along and forces everyone (including me) to focus on him. Not in a bad way, but in a necessary one. All of Nate's triumphs are earned. Every milestone is achieved by everyone in this home working together. And when we take ourselves out of the mix and collectively focus on Nate, we find our family is bonding. Growing closer, growing together, growing.

In so many ways and in so many times I am grateful for Nate. He's not only changed me in countless ways, he's also helped bind this family together. Everyone here is hopelessly and unapologetically stuck on Nate. Among all the other amazing things he is, I believe he's like heaven-sent glue that brought, and holds us together.



Sticky Nate.

In my mind, I'm the perfect parent

That's right, I said it. In my mind, I have a good handle on things. Well, that may not be entirely accurate. I willingly concede that many of my concepts don't always translate well from my brain to to my mouth. But in general, I think my approach is spot-on.

But then when I get to thinking about it, I bet everybody feels that way. It's easy to justify my behaviors and reactions as a parent. I find myself thinking a lot about how the kids need to get on my wavelength. The reality is, I'm the adult, and I need to get on their plane, not vice versa! I can't stand it when the kiddos show such little regard for the material things that have cost a lot, or even a little. But before I can get too worked up all I have to do is look in my car, my closet, my garage, my basement, etc....

Another thing that really torques me off is the back-talk. Man oh man, it really irks me. Sure, there's common respect, and kids need to be taught it, but I wonder what kind of example I set when I smart off in frustration to their mother? I've taught my kids to be sarcastic (I think it's funny, and clever - at least that's how I've justified it), to tease ("it makes them tough"), and to be judgmental. Whether it's other people's driving habits, personal quirks, or other things I find amusing, I've actually taught them to notice and exploit these differences in others.

I've reasoned that children are immature, although that's what I've modeled to them. I've said that this is not a democracy, and I've made sure everyone knows it. I've dismissed their input and disregarded their feelings by calling it invalid and hormone-induced.

I want my kids to be caring, understanding, passionate, merciful, humble, wise, affable, and reverent toward their Creator while fully surrendered to their Savior.

I have not done my best in developing these attributes.

In my mind I may think I'm the perfect parent, but in reality I'm far from it. There's a bible verse that says, "Love covers a multitude of sins" and it really speaks to me about my errors and missteps. Mercifully, my love both for them and Christ covers me and them alike.

Today I'm committing to becoming the best parent I can be. Will you join me?

No matter how good or bad it's been up until now, there's always room for improvement, and it can start right here and now! And no matter how old or young our children, it's never too late to make a fresh start.

Our kids are counting on it.

How was school?

I bet almost every parent in every corner of the world asks their children this question on a daily basis. "How was school?"

No matter the culture, language, school district, or child, most every parent is at least mildly interested in finding out how junior did in school today. Any drama? Suspensions? Fights? Expulsions? Then by all measures, a decent day.

When I ask our normally chatty-cathy's this question, they suddenly become tongue-tied. Maybe the question short circuits their brains or something, because I always get the same answer. You know you do, too. "How was school?"

-every child in the world, "good."

Huh?

"Good" just isn't good enough any more. I've wised up. I've figured out new ways to ask an old question. I ask follow up questions. But they've apparently braced for this, too.

Me, "So, what was good about your day today?"

Say it with me...EVERY kids response, "I don't know."

Defeat. Stonewall. Iced out. They're just not budging, no matter what. I've even gone to the very creative, "tell me the most interesting thing you learned so far today." I mean, come on, THAT'S a conversation starter.

But no, still I hear, "I don't know..."

So now it's time to get serious. A new, fresh approach. A way to make them understand. Be the ball, Danny...speak their language....

Any kid in any town, anywhere..."Dad, can I go outside and play?

Dad: "I don't know."

Kids: "Dad, can I have some money for the movies?"

Dad: "I don't know."

Kids: "Dad, can I go to the Justin Bieber concert with my friends?

Dad: "I don't k..."

Kids, interrupting: "But Dad, he'd awesome, I mean, come on...even YOU must think he's....

Dad, smiling: "....good."

From hero to zero

Nate is at it again.

Not really all that surprising, considering he's closing fast on 2 years old in the next month or so. He's reached quite a few milestones, such as the ability to stand - which we find incredibly amusing and quite possibly the greatest feat known to man in the last 1,000 years or so.

Now at this point I should probably include one of those explicit content disclaimers. If you're hungry, or maybe you've just eaten, feel free to come on back later. If however you're hungry and trying to lose weight, by all means read on as you will most likely lose your appetite.

You see, awhile back I was bragging about getting Nate to stop his kissing obsession with the toilet. Sure, he stopped....once.

And yes, it's funny (and gross). But in my foolishness I thought it couldn't get any worse (funny, every time I think that, it usually does!!).

I mean really, what's worse than a toilet....no matter how clean? Nothing, right?

W
R
O
N
G

Much to my chagrin, horror, and utter disgust, let me introduce you to Nate's latest crush.......






Now what??!!!??

Why (I think) I'm my son's hero

At some point or another, every parent (competent or not) is their child's hero. This morning I believe I saw great envy and admiration in my son's eyes. I believe the task that I accomplished so effortlessly yielded adulation in him that I had never seen!

See, baby Nate is infatuated with bathrooms. He thinks crawling in to them is really neat. I'll spare you the details of his affinity for the commode, but trust me, he's not old enough to sit on it but he's big enough to pull himself up....fill in the blanks.

Anyway, today he was crawling down the hall at breakneck speed, headed straight for his 'promised land' when he was obstructed by some cardboard box inners. At this point I had not yet had my hero revelation, so needing to wash my hands I simply walked over the immovable (to him) mountain.

He looked at me as if I had just leaped the moon (to him, I did) and I proceeded to his wonder-world to wash up. So to him, being able to go in to the bathroom WHENEVER YOU WANT is the best, the tops, hero-worthy.

Ahhh, having a toddler is so rewarding!

Epilogue:

Eventually he navigated his way around the obstruction and once he was clear he put his little motor in overdrive. He made it in record time and was making a bee-line for the lid (mouth high) when suddenly I bellow...

"NATTTHHHAAAAAANNNNN....."

He pauses, momentarily....then chuckles like 'yeah I hear you, and yes I know, and no, I don't care...'

"NAAAATTTTHHAAAAANNNNNNN NOOOOOOOOOOO...."

Normally he processes this as, 'continue when ready' but this time he actually looked at me. Upon seeing my frown and disapproving head shaking, he tilted his head to the side.

There he was kneeling at the crossroads.

Toilet.

Dad.

Toilet....Dad....toilet......

He looks at the toilet as if to say, 'see you later sweetie, nothing personal,' and

Crawls Away from the Toilet!

YESS~ He CAwT!

So now I'm sure I'm his hero, because not only can I go to his favorite place whenever I want, I can get him to stay away from it, too!

I wonder if this will work when he's 16?

The blood was gone

I got home and the trail of blood was gone.

Gone, I said....gone.

Whose blood, and where it went require me to start back a ways, so sit down, grab some bon-bons and listen up...

It all started back over Father's Day weekend. We went camping at a state park with our friends. There were some great hiking/biking trails (my thought...'how nice for the hikers and bikers'), but our friends are rather active so we brought our 2-wheelers along. Now, in order to bring our heart-attack inducers I had to connect our large (6x12) utility trailer and bungee-cord down the bikes. Lame, to be sure - but it worked.

So we bike and such and suddenly I'm Lance Armstrong. Pulling the trailer henceforth is simply not going to cut it. What to do? Well, I've come to discover some discounted treasures (used junk) that I thought could be useful to me on the Craigslist site. After realizing that a 5-bike trailer-hitch bike rack will run far north of $450, Craigslist is looking better and better by the moment.

A search brings up.....absolutely nothing. Man, I hate Craigslist.

Only kidding there.

So I'm 0-for-1 when I see a new cool little feature 'Craig' added. If you don't get your desired result (meaning, zilch-squat-zippo-nada-nothing), the search engine searches near areas (communities) for what you're seeking.
And there I see it - A SIX BIKE RACK!!
Six bikes? Yes, six bikes!! Now, Nate can't ride yet (nor can he walk yet, but hey, he'll get there) but eventually we'll need a six-bike rack!

The only catch?
It's attached to a camper.
Now most people might see that as a deterrent, but not me. I see that as an expensive bike rack with a free pop-up camper to boot!

Fast forward a day and bingo-bango, I'm pulling a pop-up home, happy as Clark Griswold on his way to Wally World.



I love used stuff. You beat the depreciation, and if it's been well taken care of, you score big. However I like to customize my purchases to make them 'mine.' So after changing out the door and drawer handles, the floor is the next obvious choice.

I'm also a believer in having the right tools for the right job, so a quick trip to Home Depot and a new 'super sharp tile cutting' Husky utility knife later, I'm ready.

I begin installing the new floor and it's looking good. I'm feeling confident about the decision to upgrade the floor, and looking forward to going camping again the following day when all of a sudden my blade somehow jumps over the metal straight edge and fillets the end of my finger.

For a second that seemed to last much longer, there was no pain. Then like 1980 Mt. St. Helen's, the finger erupted and the molten-lava (blood) started gushing. I rush inside, leaving a gruesome track of every step, and race to the sink to wash it out.
I can't even see the cut, but can feel the skin barely hanging on, so I wrap it with medical bandages and tape and head off to the E.R.

1 hour and seven stiches later, I return home to complete the job, finger throbbing and all. When I get inside I look down expecting to see that awful dark-crimson stained reminder of my miscue but can find nothing.

I head in to the laundry room, where I left quite an impression trying to find the proper bandages. Again, nothing.

The kids come rushing in to see how the patient is, and I ask about the blood trail. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I had originally thought, but in fact it was; and worse.

While I was gone Andrew (14 y/o) voluntarily cleaned up everything. EVERYTHING. He got down on the tile and cleaned up the mess.

I didn't tell him to, I didn't ask him to, and I didn't expect him to.

But he did it anyway. And I was (and am still) totally blown away. When I was 14 I would NEVER have done something like that. And although it's somewhat grotesque, it makes his self-less act that much more impressive.

Sometimes our kids drive us to the brink, and other times they make us bonkers. But once in awhile you get these little pockets of behavior that reveal who they really are inside, and it makes you so proud of them it takes your breath away.

That day, there was no step-this or step-that, we were just a family helping one another out. What a day, and what a great kid!

The blind leading the blind

It's an old expression.

I find it particularly applicable today.

This is a true story about today's adventure and how little siblings look up to the big ones! There's a great leadership lesson in here for all of us!

So we're working on honesty, namely with 14 y/o Andrew. "Working On" as in failing miserably. So the untruths seem to be increasing in frequency, yet everytime they are discovered this very smart boy goes to the new 'sorry shuffle'

It goes something like this:

Me: "andrew, what were you thinking?"

A: Approaches me shagrinned, head down, shuffling feet...."I don't know, I'm reaaaal sorry Daaaad."

M: Trying to stay mad, but can't resist this repentant-routine, "It's ok, don't do it again, though o.k?'

A: "O.K."

Repeat, constantly. For variation, throw in the, "I'm not mad at you honey, but I am disappointed."

Anyway, this silliness can only go on for so long. Although I'd like to think I am an endless supply of mercy, quite the contrary is true.

SO he leaves me no choice but to go to the....

WRITE IT DOWN PUNISHMENT.

Andrew actually ASKED FOR MORE DAYS OF GROUNDING INSTEAD of the write it down business, which tells me this one may work (for now).

Anywho, we're at my office today for a bit, and he is writing,

"I will not lie or deceive"

Over and over and over and over and over again.

Namely, 1,000 times.

Now before you gasp and scream "teenagers rights!!" (who in their right mind would scream that, anyway?) you should know we didn't start at 1,000 - we worked our way up to it.

So I get him a legal pad and pen and he's off to the races...or not. But he is writing.

15 minutes later Maddie comes in and says, "Dad, can I have a piece of paper and a pen?"

Oblivious to why, I ask.

Me: "Are you going to draw Daddy a picture?" (Again, she's 8, but sometimes I talk to her as if she's 2)

Mads: "No."

Me: "What are you going to do?"

Mads: "I am going to write something 1,000 times, I want to be like Andrew."

Me: "What are you going to write?"

Mads..thinking of something....considering her options...Hannah Montana, High School Musical 3...Suite Life of Zach and Cody....she ultimately proclaims,

"I love to play!"